The Evolution of Respect

Originally published 2 September 2023

My understanding of respect has changed quite a bit over my lifetime.

When I was growing up, my father taught me to respect my parents and my elders. At the time, that made perfect sense. Respect was simply something you gave to people because of who they were, their age or their relationship to you.

As a teenager, I wasn't so sure. I could see that getting older didn't stop people from getting things wrong. So why should age alone deserve respect?

At the time, I decided it shouldn't. Respect had to be earned.

Years later, I came to a different conclusion again. I am now older than my father was when he was teaching me those early life lessons, and I don't think somebody should have to earn my basic respect.

I give it.

Not because of their age or position, and not because they have proved something to me. I give it because they are another human being and, like me, they deserve to be treated with respect.

That doesn't mean what happens afterwards doesn't matter. Respect can be damaged. How somebody behaves, how they treat other people and what they do with the respect they have been given all matter.

Perhaps that is the part I didn't understand when I was younger. Respect is easily given. It is harder to keep.

I originally wrote about this because I was thinking about leadership, and I still think it matters there. But I don't really see respect as a leadership technique. It comes before that.

How I treat somebody shouldn't suddenly change because I have a leadership role or because they sit somewhere different in an organisation. For me, respect starts with how I choose to treat another person, and that doesn't change when I become the leader.